My Muse

All of us have a muse. Just be thankful that most us can’t see them. She’s been with me, as long as I can remember, a pale woman, never a girl, always just a few steps away from me, no matter where I am. She never speaks to me. Not in words that I can hear, but I can feel her in my mind, when I sit down to write, when the ideas start to flow.

When I was little, I used to try to convince my mother of Her reality, it was always dismissed as a game, a little bit of play acting. She had an imaginary friend when she was young too she’d say with a smile. After a while I could see the worry on her face whenever I mentioned “The Woman.” – I never really had a name for Her, didn’t understand what exactly She was, I didn’t have the words. Not back then. – And so I let it drop. I stopped mentioning Her, started to try ignoring Her, though as I got older this grew more difficult.

I’d see Her every time I looked over my shoulder, every time I looked in the mirror, and I soon came to realize that She was beautiful, Her plump lips always slightly upturned as if we were sharing some private joke. Though this smile never seemed to reach Her eyes which were a pale shade of green, always fixing onto mine when I looked at Her. Her hair long, and richly black, and She always wore the same long green dress, old fashioned, like something from a story book without the lace and the ruffles.

I’ve always been creative but mercurial, my passions shifting from one pursuit to the other, first drawing, then painting, playing instruments, anything that involves an expression of myself. But my true love has always been writing. When I write I lose myself in the story, it pours out of me like a torrent. I’m almost never at a loss for words. But I find it so draining. A few hours of writing and I feel like I’ve been working a full day, bone tired fatigued. And I never really understood why until I was in my late teens.

I was home from school and rattling around my empty house, Mom was working and Dad was out of state. So I decided to go down to the local coffee shop and try to get some work done. There’d been a particularly complex story that I’d been working on, my first real attempt at a novel, and I wanted some time to proofread, but I didn’t like being alone with Her. As I pushed through the doors of the shop, I noticed something odd. A man who looked to be in his late fifties sitting and typing feverishly, this in itself wasn’t strange. But what was behind him was…There was a woman standing there, similar enough to mine to be her twin, the same generous features, the same green eyes, but her hair was red, a brilliant fiery red. As he wrote she leaned in close her lips pressing against his ears, her hands resting on his shoulders, she seemed to be whispering something, though he was not responding, simply typing away. I started to approach them, to talk to him, to her, but then I saw her nails. They were long, curving slightly downwards, sinking into his flesh through his shirt and as I watched I could see a faint pulsing glow rising upwards along them, from him into her and he began to droop visibly, reaching to take a deep sip of his coffee, fatigue suddenly registering on his features.

I fled as soon as my mind registered this, pushed back out the doors and ran all the way home. I didn’t stop till I was in my room, throwing myself beneath the covers and hiding there for all the good it would do me. They looked so much alike, that strange woman and my Muse, was She doing the same to me? I let the idea go, tried not to thing about it. To force it out of my head then one day on the front page of the paper I saw a story about a local writer who had died “tragically early.” The picture was of the man I’d seen at the coffee shop just a few months previously. His age was listed as thirty-five, but he’d apparently been quite prolific, eight novels to his name. The cause of death was hear attack. This couldn’t be right I told myself, from the picture alone he seemed to be on the cusp of seniority, sixty I would have believed. I went to the computer, googling his name, confident the paper had been a typo. It was not. The information was accurate. There were all kinds of theories about his appearance, about his gray hair, including drugs, but I knew better. It was her, it was whatever she had been taking from him. And I now knew what I had to do. I had to see if She was doing the same to me as his woman had done to him. I had to know. I set up a mirror on my desk, she never appeared on film, placed it just in front of myself, so I could glance up at a moments notice and I began to write. Nothing at first, my interest more on staring at the mirror, trying to catch her then the act of writing itself. But finally I found the rhythm of it, the words pouring forth once more. And I glanced up. And I saw Her, looking back at me. Her nails in my flesh, her lips on my ear, I could have been the man in that shop in that moment. I threw the notebook away from me, vowed never to write another word, hoping to starve her.

But the ideas, they just kept coming, flooding into my consciousness at the worst moments, drowning out everything else. I lasted a little over a year till I had to give up. I sat down at my PC, and I typed, for hours, the words flowing forth like a river breaking a dam. When I finished I could barely move the short distance from my chair to my bed. I collapsed, not even having the energy to pull the sheets over me and woke sixteen hours later, the bed beneath me, and my clothes soaked with sweat, my entire body aching. I dragged myself out of bed and into the bathroom, trying to tell myself it was nothing, just a fever, it couldn’t be anything else Then I looked into the mirror, and I found the first streak of gray. I was sixteen. My mother nearly fainted when I came downstairs, she immediately drove me to the doctor. He told us he couldn’t find anything wrong, said it was probably just stress, nothing to worry about and sent me home.

I learned my lesson then. I didn’t try to bottle it up anymore…Eight years later, that’s still my only streak of gray, but I easily pass for thirty. My face is lined my bones ache. Every time I set pen to paper or finger to key she feels a bit more solid, I can feel her touch even now, feel her lips brushing against my skin. It’s addictive, her presence. Comforting almost. feel a little bit of myself flowing out of me every-time I write but I can’t stop. I don’t want to stop, and I know that She’ll take me if I do, I’m sure of it. She’ll take me all at once instead of in pieces, my face the next in the paper.

Planning

I know it’s been a while, I’ve just had quite a bit going on. Including remodeling an SL house, which is harder then it sounds. Escpecially since nowhere ever seems to sell items in the color scheme I want. Hopefully I won’t be taking any more mini-hiatuses until we get deeper into the holiday season (another reason I haven’t been posting.) but we’ll see.

Anyways, for now. Until I get my mess of an inventory better sorted, here is a quick fix.

Outfit:

Skin: Gauze – Nude 2

Shape: Custom

Eyes: Plastik – Bloodless

Hair: Wasabi Pills – Kylee

Antlers/Ears: Half Deer – Jackalope Ears/Antlers

Pants: Plastik – Stardust Pants

Shirt: Plastik – Sulyien Tops

Shoes: Duck Nipple – Fenton

Gloves: Plastik – Lipstick Muse

Tattoos: Para Designs – Black Bloom, Plastik – Soul Ink Creep

Piercings: Ziau – Chasity

Christmas Caro

Today’s Pictures were taken with the assistance of my friend and lovely model, Caro Dragonash(Caronwynn Chau). You can check out her flickr here.

Outfit:

Shape: Custom
Skin: Mother Goose – Lene1
Hair: Wasabi Pills – Kylee
Teeth: Ni.Ju – Free Fangs
Eyelashes: Tameless – Lashes 22
Ears: Trap – Gelf Ears Pierced
Antlers: Vita – Reindeer Antlers
Tail: ++Panda Express++ Tail Belts are also from there, but are extra
Face Tattoos: ni.ju – Red Panda, -TSH- – Brown Animal Nose, ni.ju – Red Face Stars
Corset, Stockings, Panties, Gloves, Collar: {Frick} – Alice in Crimson
Boots: [PP] – Santa’s Girl Boots
Bangles: Origin Unknown
Whiskers: Origin Unknown

All details on furnishings can be found here.

Watch out!

There’s a new danger sweeping Second Life, a terrible threat that it’s nearly impossible to prepare for.

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It could strike ANYONE at ANY TIME!

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Even when you’re home alone, even when you think you’re safe.

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That’s right. Roving gangs of felines!

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There is unfortunately no defense against their special brand of adorableness, and no cure once affected.

Shape: Custom
Skin: Pink Fuel – Alyx – Pony (With Love Hunt, 10L)
Hair: Alice Project – Sooyoung
Eyes: Shakeup! – Paris Eyes 05 rare (Arcade December Gacha)
Necklace and Earrings: Cae – Flourish (With Love Hunt, 10L)
Jacket/Shirt: DuckNipple – Leather Jacket
Boots: DuckNipple – Fenton(New Release)
Dress/skirt: DuckNipple – With Love 2012 Dress (With Love Hunt, 10L)
Roving Cat Gang: d-lab gang Cat – Fred, Vito, Carlo (Arcade December Gacha)
Pose: D.Luxx Poses – Delights – I Do Believe in Fairies

Purple

Nothing in particular to say here, I just saw this romper and had to make an outfit around it. It helps that purple is one of my favorite colors. Posts will come with more frequency soon, waiting on every hunt ever + Arcade to start. XD

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Shape: Custom
Skin: Glam Affair – Roza – Honey Bee (Bees Through the Seasons)
Eyes: Insufferable Dastard – November Gift
Hair: Wasabi Pills – Kylee Mesh – (Fifty Linden Fridays)
Romper: Blueberry District – Romper
Stockings: Erratic – Leggings (Group Gift)
Shoes: Blueberry – Knee High Sneaker Boots
Bracelets: Erratic – Cuff
Necklace: mE. Jewelry Design – Blackout Necklace
Piercings: #Ziau# – Amaterasu Piercing (Septum Only), #Ziau# – Mesh Lip Plugs

Simplicity

Planning on doing another Christmas post soon so for now a small palette cleanser.

SimplicitySimplicity

Simplicity

Simplicity

Outfit:
Shape: Ploom – Tres (Customized Slightly)
Skin: Belleza – Wynter Skin (Fifty Linden Friday)
Eyes: Insufferable Dastard – Mirror Eyes
Hair: Truth – Jayney
Nails: Red Mint – No.10 Manicure (Came with the RAW Skin)
Shirt: Erratic – Basics – Longshirt (Fifty Linden Friday)
Pants: Auxiliary – Belted Flairs (Collabor88)
Shoes: Gos – GTFO Boot
Necklace: Kosh – The Key Necklace
Bracelets: Red Mint – Silver Bangle, Grasp – Pirate Chain Bracelet, Grasp – Heaven Bracelet
Piercing: Delirium Style – Skull Chain Piercing

Starting to look a bit like…

I’m not really much of a holiday person, and I’m a bit of a hypocrite for posting this so early, but here it is anyways, and likely the only Christmas post you’ll get out of me, unless something really catches my eye (Or I cave and do these hunts I’m eyeing).

When  I do decorate for Christmas I tend to go the subtle route. I don’t get into the extravagance of the season like some people do. My stepmother for instance has a “Santa Village” that she’ll put up each year, and of course each year it gets a little bigger. The last time she had it set up it covered two large folding tables, the tops of three bookcases and a bit of a spill over. But that’s not really me, and that’s one of the reasons these bric-a-brac Christmas furnishings from What Next really caught my eye.

Combine that with the offerings from Prime for the Home For Christmas Sale Event, The Home for Chistmas Hunt, The Peace on Earth Hunt, and the Candy Chain Hunt(Details in credits), which are awesome be sure to stop there if nowhere else, and I knew that I had to put together a Christmas look for my place, even so it took a little struggling and I haven’t gone so far as to make an appropriate avatar yet. Though that may happen.

details

There’s actually a story to these little Elves, they’re called Nisse Dolls. The story goes that these Nisse, also called gord-borde, tunkall or tuss, are invisible powers, sort of like very minor gods, like brownies or pixies in other countries. While they started off as something to be feared, farmer’s in some parts of the country came to believe that they controlled nature and thus the farmer’s welfare and fortune. Other beliefs about them include that they were a type of gnome that loved animal’s and lived in the farmer’s barn. They would provide luck and protection around the farm but if not well fed, especially around Christmas, though the Nisse would cause trouble and move to a different farm. So having a doll like this, a representation of the Nisse in your house is supposed to help protect you/bring you good luck.

I love this little Marzipan Pig it’s just far too cute to ever eat, If I had one of these in my first life I’d have to find a way to preserve it.

This whole trend of using coffee/tea cups as decorations is clever and cute, it needs to never end.

Despite being a grinch, I’m a sucker for tiny christmas trees, Charlie Brown anyone?”

Utterly in love with that table by the way, I’m going to use it forever.
Credits after the jump since there are quite a few of them.

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